Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice.Charles F. Kettering,
My wife's brain works very differently then mine. She is very emotional and I am very logical, that is probably very common in any couple as it probably a Mars/Venus thing. She worries about things that are very unlikely to happen, often asking me questions like "what if the house burns down when we are gone". I typically respond with a snarky reply like "what if a plane falls from the sky and lands on top of our car". I usually don't think about things that are statistically unlikely. Even things that are more likely: cancer, heart disease, car crashes, etc don't bother me. I honestly just didn't worry or fear much of anything.
All that changed last January when my first child was born. The though of anything happening to my son, not matter the odds, scares the living shit out of me. It is irrational, illogical, paralyzing and uncontrollable. I also now worry more about myself because the thought of leaving my son without a father scares me as well. This last week the fear and emotion have hit an all time high because of the horrible story that is unfolding in my backyard. There is a triangle of key locations in the case that I spend most of my days within. In fact, last Friday just an hour or so after the kidnapping, I was at the dog park with my two golden retrievers, less than a mile from where she disappeared from.
Two nights ago when a body was discovered, near our house, I couldn't sleep. My wife and I started discussing how we would try and protect our son from this type of danger. The though of something like this happening to our son is paralyzing, no matter how statistically unlikely! This is the part of becoming a parent that nobody warns you about. Everyone tells you about the joy (which is true) and how it changes your life (very true), but nobody said one word about the all-consuming fear. My normal defense, logic, has no chance against this new brand of anxiety.
I hope and pray that the monster in my backyard is captured and brought to justice!
Recently my wife and I made the decision to have her stay at home with our 8 month old son, Chase. My wife had a good career going, but she worked for a bad company that was getting worse. Initially after Chase was born she decided to go back to work and we put Chase in day care. As time went by and her company got worse and worse, the decision to stay home became easier and easier. Eventually, after a bad day, she decided she would rather be at home then put up with it.
This was a big decision, it changes our lifestyle considerably. We will have stick to a tight budget which will be new for us both (no more daily Starbucks trips for me!). My wife also wonders if she will be able to jump right back into her career when she is ready to go back, and she worries that the house may become her prison (especially in the winter). However, we have no doubt this was the right choice
This is a big change, but I wanted to write more about the companies we both work(ed) for. I work for an amazing company in the software industry, we are ran like typical Silicon Valley startups, we have amazing leadership, and fantastic perks like unlimited vacation. My company values intelligent, hard-working people and puts the employees first, that's why they always rank in best workplace surveys. My wife's old company, on the other, hand is the complete opposite. They are a manufacturing company who's leadership seems to operate under the "you should be happy to have a job in this economy" mantra. The office employees and line employees are segregated like the mostly immigrant line workers are second-class citizens. Most people there don't care about the company, they only care about their paycheck because the company only cares about the bottom line.
I believe when companies put their employees first, those employees will buy in and work their ass off for their employer. I do everyday because I love going to work. These companies give better customer service because their employees have pride in their brand. Just look at the correlation of these two articles "americas happiest workplaces" and "customer service hall of fame", is it a coincidence that Hilton and Google are at the top of both? I don't believe so.
I also dont believe that this is a tech industry thing, even though I considered it. There were many non-tech companies in the lists I linked to above, there are also several here in this 2012 Denver Post survey. If you are good at your job, work hard, and are a good teammate you deserve to work for a place that values their employees, despite the position and despite the economy! Why don't more employers get it? What do you think?